Keiji wants me to post something XD

Hello~

I got a job at the bakery the other day :D

Everyone is super nice, and I really like it there. The cakes are good too >< I'm working on 10/10 beach body though. My boyfriend keeps telling me I'm pretty, but I wanna look like a kpop idol D:

We went on a date for Valentines day two days after Valentines, spent all day with my nerd <3 Spent half the day at his house, playing games. Ate KBBQ in the evening, since it's all you can eat, starved myself during the day to stuff the food in my stomach.

I keep having weird dreams though, I keep dying ._. iunno if that's normal. My mom tells me it's 'cause I worry too much, but who knows ._.

I'm trying my hardest to break outta my anxious phase. I try to go to events where people I'm not used to is there, but eventually I end up not being able to talk ._. Maybe I'm just shy, but I wanna change that. I wanna change a lot about myself actually, I wanna be 100 before I die. School-wise, I'm okay, but everything else could use some improving.

THERE'S SO MANY DAMN FLIES IN MY HOUSE, I HOPE SOMETHING DIDN'T DIE.
That's it for tonight~ iunno what to write.

Alice Lieberg

I'm stressed, and the semester didn't even start yet

Hi guys!

First of all, merry Christmas and happy holidays!

I have to say, I'm not as sad as it seems, hopefully. Maybe I have a problem, I don't know. I tend to overthink a lot, that's what both my boyfriend and my mom tells me all the time.

But anyways. My semester "was" great, until I bombed all my finals. And now, I'm just lost. I don't get how I could get 80 the whole semester, and just... flunk like that.

It hurts, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, what I have to consider, who I can talk to about this. Looking at myself is really difficult, I can't think of... anything, when I'm like this. I often want to cry. Failing isn't something that makes anyone feel good, and... I seem to be doing that at a moment's notice.

What should I consider in my life, and how can I... move from this? Nothing ever seems to be going the way I want it to be, and I want a job later on, so I can live comfortably. And not a minimum wage job, I even want to quit my current job, because all the people there are really toxic. Being around them is like being around a bunch of pigs.

I've gotten a new computer, and my friend helped me build it. But now, I just feel like poop. I can play games all I want, but... it won't help me build a career. People have told me if I played less games, my grades would go up, and yes, very true. But you have to consider that I got a solid grade of 80 throughout the semester, and I STILL BOMBED THE FINALS.

I've sent an application to switch programs, before my school decides to cut me. Hopefully it works. But... I don't know guys. I don't know what I need right now, or who I can talk to. My boyfriend is a great listener, but his advice is a bit lacking, and my family... I can't trust them anymore. My friends have a nonchalant attitude about everything, with the exception of my best friends, they've helped me throughout my life, all the time.

I have work soon, hopefully I won't feel too down.

Alice Lieberg

Finals are upon us! And happiness issues

Hi guys~

I know I'm highly inactive, but IT'S OKAY. MY BLOG MY RULES.

Finals are upon us, and honestly, my grades for the most part are fine. JUST GOTTA TRY HARD. I GO HARD IN THE P-

But anyways, yeah. I'm doing fine. Mostly :)
I've gotten into a fight with someone, and was feeling like poop for a while, and sought consult from a few close friends of mine. And slowly, I started realizing how dependent I am of others. Or maybe how sensitive I am, it's all the same OTL

The fight was about me whining, and he was pointing out a lot of my flaws, and I just felt so uncomfortable. I don't know if my flaws are what defines me to other people, but I wouldn't like to think so. Everyone has flaws, to have someone call them out when you're arguing is common, but not something that's particularly flattering.

I've been trying to improve myself, for my own benefit, but also so that other people can accept me for who I am. It sounds a bit silly, but after my huge down last year, I wanted to improve myself so much. I was either reliant on others to be happy, or so envious of other people's skills that I was always so miserable with myself. I knew I needed to change.

First thing was first was to get my work ethics back up, which for the most part, seems to be working. That's how my grades shot back up after all. I wanted to lose some weight too. For the most part, I didn't really gain that much, but I like my body a certain way. I'm now at my normal body type, and I still eat like always, so nothing really changed. I've also taken interest in different hobbies and skills, to further try to improve myself. I realized that I give up on things too quickly, that's why I wanted to acquire different skills and not give up this time.

But when it comes down to it, I really need to "learn how to be happy". And this REALLY is a problem in my life. Other people affect me so much, because when I get insulted, or thrown shade at, it reminds me of all of the bad things I'm working to get rid of, and I haven't really given up on them. Everyone has their own weaknesses and strengths, and I do acknowledge that to be really happy, you need to be happy with yourself, and I haven't reached that yet. In some ways, I have. I really think I'm pretty for once. After last year's phase of my family "fat-shaming" me, I really hated my body. I didn't really gain too much weight, but I guess they were scared that I would gain more. I really do believe in my looks a lot more now. As for my psychological or... personality flaws, not so much.

Some people see my flaws as something to work on, and some people see my flaws as... reasons to pick fights or to not hang out with me. And the latter always gets to me. It's as though those people are mirrors to the awful parts of myself, and I can't stand looking at that for too long.

I cut some people off again, I don't want to stay away from them permanently, but I want time to find myself properly this time. My boyfriend was discussing how I can go about all of this, and I think this was the best course of action to take for a while.

DON'T GET ME WRONG THOUGH, I'M NOT SEVERELY UNHAPPY, I ENJOY LIFE SO MUCH, 'CAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH TO SEE EVERYDAY. But, I think this is my way of... fitting in with life, as great and as bad as it gets. Thanks for reading :)

Alice Lieberg